We all are bound to commit mistakes. Mistakes which we repeat often. May be a new year resolution is not sufficient to resolve them. Yet we try. We fail!!
I scrutinised my relationship for the same. Often the mistakes are so terrible that they leave a permanent scar. Still we try to overcome them. Bleach them with a smile. And that’s not sufficient for survival. Human mind goes to and fro between past and present experiences.
Yesterday i was chatting with a colleague, who had an extra marital affair few years back. His wife caught him midst all crap. Amongst huge arguments and hustle bustle, he tried to bring his life back on track. He confides to be a new changed person but he knows he hasn’t changed and so the wife is always intruding him.
After a long pause he said, that the issue has changed the outlook of my wife towards me. She is still suspicious, restless. He recalled an incident when he took his wife to watch Ramleela (Indian movie, which i say has multiple sexual overtones). After the movie, he could sense the change in behaviour of his wife. After constant nagging, the wife told that such movies make her remember the issue and gives her vision of him and his mistress.
The scar often weeps. No matter how much we care.
I remember myself been in same position, how hard I have tried to accept the change in my partner but at the back of my mind I always had suspicions.
I lost my trust and respect in the relationship.
When one looses trust and respect, the relationship cannot survive. We tried to resolve things, we tried to change. But then it had changed my outlook for the relationship permanently.
Question arises: who is guilty? Who started first? Can we ever change it?
I still need to scrutinize myself further.