Fill in the gaps:
Sometimes I have this feeling, like a sharp razing dagger is slitting my throat. Cutting gently enough to cause tremendous pain and least bled.
These days, I wake up with nightmares. Yes I call them nightmares because they terrify me. They terrify me that I am not alone in my bed. I feel the presence of 7 year old relationship. I smell the wind bringing those pheromones coming from the forest, breezing between the willows of the river. I sense the figure right standing at my head end waiting for me to wake up and see the radiance of glorified morning beauty. I pound when the heavy footsteps walk away from my bed towards the fridge looking for left over.
Yes they are nightmares. They terrify me.
Seeking the remedy of distress, I recall this conversation when she said, “You need to love again”
When did I stop loving? I am still completely and madly in love. I can’t stop loving. May be I am not made that way. Nikita once told me that my ex advised her that one should stop and start loving a new person. I wonder why am I not able to achieve that thought. My emotional tank is empty which is agitating me with the passing hour. May be I need to be loved back, but loving again is not possible for me. I am in love and will always be.
There is or never be any gap in my life for anybody to fit in. We broke up bitterly but no can stop me from loving and living in love. For those who advise me to fill the gap, I here say: “Mind the gap or mend it”.