In relationship, we change ourselves. We accommodate us in sync with our partner. Sometimes it comes by itself or often we condition ourselves. When it drives from within, it becomes compatibility otherwise we all are victims of compromises. I was no different. I did change over the course. Sometimes I cherish as I never have been aware of this side of me and someday I regret that it’s not the same I used to enjoy. At this stage I don’t blame relationship or my partner. We both did equally. What quirks us is; at the bitter end we claim that you have changed. You are not the person I loved.
Now the time is, I should start finding myself. Preserve what I have learnt new in 7 years and find what I lost. If I make a list of loosing things, then I would find that it carry a lot which was taxing me. Like I used to be judgemental, I had my predefined standard (which somehow still exist) and so on. So I will not look that side of picture.
How about something which was me and I used to do or may be which used to describe me? Collecting the past scraps; here is the list I should start with
- Watch every damn movie in theatre whether its A,B,C rated or ultra flop. I should be the first one to give reviews.
- Window shopping. Ah! How I love those mall lights that rejuvenate me and enlighten my mood.
- Good books, good books, good books. Enough of medical curriculum. Let’s hit the library and be regular of those glossy paper magazines. I don’t even know if Sidney Sheldon still alive.
- Dance. Oh! Least I remember I had performed last in Tagore Hall. Well I have already enrolled. Time to groove 19 July.
- Last but not the least; my tummy needs yummy food or mummy. Gotta find every damn lorry to elite high end dine and hog as never before. I have already lost 12 kgs. More reasons to hog. Yay!!
I am such a pessimist, I still doubt if I will be able to find myself in these materialistic things. As in true world, I find myself in you.