The long speech:
Yesterday after I posted my draft titled “just say it”. A fellow blogger mailed me, if I had justified my truth during my relationship. That led me to ponder for several hours. I promised I will reply back in my next post. So here it is..
In those years, I hardly remember if the thought of getting betrayed dint occur to me every single day. I was hurt all the time. I was sad, angry and sarcastic. Every day I used to prepare a mental speech, long enough to vent out my anger. A speech to let my sole truth out of me. I wanted to tell how much I am hurt. I wanted to tell that I am tired. I wanted to tell that I don’t trust you. I wanted to say I want to be loved back. How I wanted my insecurities to be satisfied with another assertive truth.
But I could not utter a word. After so many efforts to formulate that long speech I could not even muttered small sentences. Why? I was scared that you will get angry, I was scared of retaliation, I was scared that I might end up it before the time. How in world I could not get the strength to say I am hurt and I am scared of getting it worse. You might not believe now but it’s the truth of then.
I wish I had delivered that long speech. Might in a bleak hope had you heard it. I am not a speaker yet blessed with power of speech. What I needed was to articulate that long speech.